Why Pamela Anderson Can't get over Tommy Lee - Toxic Relationship Case Study.

Why Pamela Anderson Can't get over Tommy Lee - A case study on Toxic relationships. The Worshipped Woman podcast episode 144 with Kelly Kristin. This episode of The Worshipped Woman Podcast discusses the Pamela documentary and why Pamela still states that she has not been able to get over Tommy Lee. This is an exploration of toxic relationships, how our upbringing influences our relationships and trauma bonds.

If you are ready to heal your toxic relationship patterns, come home to yourself and become a women who Thrives. Heal, Rise, Thrive is the place for you. You can get on the waitlist here: https://www.kellykristintraining.com/hrtoptin-1WL

Episode Transcript:

 Hello sister, welcome back to the worshiped woman podcast. Kelly here. And I am so happy that you are hanging out with me today. That you decided to press play and come check this out. I'm really excited to get into today's episode. You know, I am not. Super into television. But when I do watch television, I like to take something that I am witnessing and bring it to you.

As a lesson and that's what I'm excited to do today. Recently I watched the Pamela documentary on Netflix. As an Pamela Anderson. And I wanted to share. Her story as an example. Of what happens when we have a toxic upbringing and how we perpetuate that into our lives. Now I do want to say, I don't know, Pamela Anderson it'd be really cool if I did, because I think that she's a beautiful woman. She seems like she is so sweet. So full of love. This is not anything against her in any way. I'm not saying anything bad about her. I am just going to be describing, using her own words of things that she said in her documentary. And the psychological principles and things that happen as a result of the things that have happened in her life.

This is not made up stuff. This is going to be about how our brains work. And the things that happen as a result of our experiences.

And this is going to be really relevant for you. If you are somebody who has been engaging in toxic relationship dynamics. If you are curious about how attraction works or airy for you, or just curious to hear the real reason why Pamela still seems to be stuck on Tommy Lee, even though their relationship was.

Quite tumultuous. And also, I think it's interesting that. Uh, she romanticizes this relationship, but so does the public, it's pretty wild. That's such a toxic, abusive relationship. There are still people that are dressing up as them for Halloween. I mean, I did it. Many many years ago. I was at Anderson for Halloween and the person I was seeing at the time was Tommy Lee. Gosh, I actually haven't thought about that in so long, but it's still a relevant thing. And it's a thing that.

People say like, oh, I want what they had, you know, that, that chemistry, that instant attraction, that like larger than life kind of level, but was it really that? So let's get into it. And the beginning of the Pamela documentary, you hear Pamela speaking about her upbringing and the relationship that she witnessed between her parents. Her father was alcoholic abusive. He was abusive, not only towards Pamela, but also towards her mother, which she witnessed, she would witness them fighting all of the time.

They would get into these big fights. She would have to take her siblings leave and she knew it was okay to come back. And she says that she knew. Knew it was okay to come back when they were passionately. Kissing each other, or they were, going in the room together and making up. And so what I want to point out about this is that as children, we are learning from our parents and you've probably heard me say this before.

Before the age of seven, eight years old, our brain is really like this sponge and we are just absorbing everything in the world around us. We learn how the world works. We learn how relationships work. We learn, what love is through the primary relationships that we are witnessing and that we are participating in.

And so as a child, you do not have access to a higher level of thinking that says, oh, you know, maybe. Mom and dad fighting all of the time. Maybe that really isn't love. Maybe that's not a healthy relationship. There is no context. It is just in your mind. This is what love is. This is how relationships are.

And this is not just true for Pamela. This is true for everybody. The relationships that you witnessed as a child become the foundation for what love is inside of your brain neural connection inside of your body, inside of your nervous system. And so there's a lot of layers to that. Now because you witnessed something and this is just like your baseline, right? We have a love baseline, and this baseline is based off of what your brain and your body says about love.

As you get older, that baseline is still there. Even if consciously, you could be saying, I want a healthy relationship. I want somebody who treats me, well, I want somebody who's going to be there for me and is a safe space and all of these kinds of things, but your brain and body, you wouldn't want that.

And the reason is, is because how our brain works is that we seek what is familiar. And the reason that we seek what is familiar. Is because it is predictable. And therefore safe. Our subconscious brain's primary job is to keep us safe. So predictability equals safety because we know what the outcome is going to be. It doesn't mean that the outcome is going to be good. It doesn't mean that the outcome is going to be something that we're really happy about that we really love, but it is just purely that we know what the outcome is going to be.

Your brain says, great. I know what it's going to be. I'm good with that. You're safe. You're not going to die in this scenario.

Now Pamela speaks in the documentary that even before she was in Hollywood before she was the Pam Anderson that we all know today and Playboy and everything. She was in abusive relationships when she was in Canada. And it's really not that surprising because. That would be normal and familiar to her. And it would just feel like this is what love is supposed to be like. And when she meets Tommy Lee, they have this instantaneous chemistry, this very strong chemistry, they got married within four days. That's pretty crazy chemistry right there. And this is really when we have this intense kind of chemistry with somebody. What that really is is subconscious familiarity. This is your subconscious. Highlighting. Something about this person feels familiar. And therefore safe. It's almost that feeling of, I feel like I have known this person for so long.

If you ever have that feeling when you're meeting somebody? Gosh, it just feels like they get me instantaneously. I feel like I've known them so long. We have this crazy chemistry together. Just feels like they're the one and it's this instantaneous kind of thing. That's a pretty clear indication that that is subconscious familiarity. And let's all, remember that chemistry does not equal compatibility just because you have chemistry, just because you are attracted to somebody does not mean that they are a potentially good or healthy partner for you.

Certainly, if you have not done past healing work, if you have, had any kind of abusive or toxic kind of upbringing and you are dating and you're going based off of chemistry. There's there's gonna be some red flags with that because it is really driven off of this subconscious sense of familiarity in her case. Subconscious sense of familiarity of this as somebody like my father.

It's not surprising then that her relationship with Tommy, even though they had this great chemistry was very, very up and down, very up and down. Lots of abuse, lots of toxic things happening. He has an alcohol problem, a drug problem, very similar to the situation that she experienced growing up.

Now of course. She does end up leaving that relationship with Tommy. But I do want to highlight this because she left after the abuse, got to be too much for her. There was a certain amount of abuse that she was okay with and okay. With, in the sense of, it just felt normal to her. It didn't feel like abuse. It felt like this is just how relationships are. Right. Because remember if she is witnessing a relationship growing up that is toxic, chaotic up and down all over the place.

That is not, there's not going to be any red flags going off. Because that is, that feels good. That feels normal. That feels safe. That feels familiar. I getting this. It's a really, really important part. So even though he was doing things like showing up on set of Baywatch and . Ruining her trailer because he was jealous that she had a scene with an actor. Doing things like staring at her onset and intimidating her and all kinds of stuff that really were not beneficial for her or her career in the documentary. She actually states, well, I thought it was kind of sweet. , he really, really loved me and really cared for me. And that's why, he was behaving like that.

And from the outside, looking in, it's very easy to be like, what are you talking about? This man was ruining your trailer. He was intimidating people. He was punching paparazzi, like he's out of control, but to her not feels like what love is. Like. So. She does end up leaving him. And this is when the abuse got to be too much. And I'm assuming, because it involved with her children. And so a switch just went off in her mind. Like I can not put up with this anymore. I can not subject my children to this.

And she ends up leaving. But also coming back a couple of times. So even though he actually went to jail and they don't speak about this in the documentary, but I did look this up cause I was like, I'm sure that they got back together a couple of times. Even after he went to jail, which she initiated because of a domestic violence incident.

He goes to jail. He comes out of jail and they get back together. They get back together and they remained together for a little while before. Cutting it off again. And then years later, they come back together again. And I think it was like a decade later or so. , they come back again for a short stint.

And what does this sound like to you? If you've been listening to my episodes, have you been, you know, researching. About toxic relationships at all. You might have some bells ringing right now because this is a trauma bonded relationship, right? This trauma bonded relationship is one. Unless you heal this unresolved childhood wounding that is really causing you to be in this relationship, you're going to want to keep coming back.

And she now still even says. That she doesn't think that she has ever really gotten over him. And she says, I've never really gotten over, not being able to be with the father of my children and. That might be true that it's having to do with being the father of her children, but it's also really having to do with the fact that this is a trauma bond and that underlying trauma for her has still not been resolved.

And when we are in a trauma bonded relationship. It's pretty clear to see that this is a trauma bonded relationship. Because knowing her upbringing, knowing what happened to her, knowing her experiences, knowing what this relationship was like with Tommy. You can see the similarities of that cycle. You can see the similarities of that up and down, that toxic, chaotic kind of relationship. And the reason that we get into these kinds of relationships and repeat this pattern is not only because it is familiar, but this is also an attempt from our inner child to heal.

Because in our minds. If we can have a different outcome. Then we had as a child, if we could just get him to stop the abuse, if we could get him to show up in the ways that we wanted, if we could get him to love us completely unconditionally, not have all of these issues, then we would be healed. This is how the inner child is thinking.

And this is why you keep repeating the cycles over and over and over again, because of that unresolved trauma. Again, this is neural connections in your brain, but it is also in your body. And you can tell that she still has not resolved this for herself because she has been. Married. I believe it was six times.

And. Not only has she been married six times, but she says in the documentary, she wants that kind of over the top. Love that love. That is like obsession. That love that is super romantic every day. And over the top, that is her idea of what love is. And this is why her relationships are not working out because it is not sustainable.

Uh, to be in that kind of relationship. And so she's had many instances of men that she's been with that have become abusive towards her. And this is because she is with those people because she is reenacting the trauma that she experienced growing up. And it doesn't seem like she has really gotten to the place where she has done really the sematic work that it takes.

To heal the body of that. It's really nervous system dysregulation and the feeling of love being like fast heartbeats, anxiety up and down craziness. When it doesn't have to be that. And it's not that. It's right or wrong to be that way. It's just really what you want for yourself. I know that as far as in my life growing up, I had to rework the semantics of how I want and love to be. Because if you've been listening to me for a while, you know,

I was in toxic, abusive relationships myself. And part of the healing work of getting out of that was really reconditioning my body to not associate those crazy feelings, that emotional rollercoaster with being in love, because that wasn't serving me. And I decided that was not the kind of love that I wanted to experience.

I wanted love that felt safe. I wanted love that felt like a home to me. I wanted love that. I was. Creating peace with me not taking away my peace. And this was a decision that I had to make prior to doing the healing work again in the documentary. It doesn't seem like that is anything that she is after. She's never said I want peace.

It's just, I want love, I want that over the top kind of thing. And so neither way is right or wrong, but it's just really about deciding what kind of life that you want to live.

Another thing that I want to bring up about their relationship that I think is very telling is that in the documentary, she also states that it is very easy for her to look back at the relationship ship that she had with Tommy and to look back and think that it was perfect. That is her recall is all of the good times all of the fun that they had together, all of the ups that they had together and that she really has to.

Think about it for a long while to get to the place where she is remembering. Oh yeah, this. All this bad stuff happened in the abuse and the things, right. And the reason that this happens, and it is very, very common for people that are experiencing abuse of any kind is that our brain has to compartmentalize these things in order to stay safe in order to be able to be in your body and not completely dissociate, we have to compartmentalize things.

And in her case, because she came from an abusive household as a child, What ends up happening? Is that she learned from a very young age to do this compartmentalization. Because as a child, you look to your parents for survival, you have to, we are wired this way and you have to love your parents and you have to ex have this expectation that they love you. This is how you are learning.

Love. This is hard wiring. This is how all humans are wired. Whoever is raising you. Right. We have to really look to them. As being like these God-like figures that know everything and that they love us so much. And so in order to believe that somebody is abusing you loves you. You have to have this compartmentalization.

And then you learn this in childhood. You learn to do this kind of separation and childhood where you really create the fantasy of who this person is. Versus the reality of who they are. And you stay in the fantasy. You stay in the good times instead of really living in the reality of what is going on. And since you learned this as a child from very young age and it's a strong neural connection in the mind,

It is very easy to continue that as you get older, . So it is very easy for her. To look at the relationship that she did have with Tommy and go. Oh, it was so great and easy to remember all of the good times, because it's just something that she is used to doing.

So Pamela, if you are happening to be listening to this somehow, and you're interested, you can come into my heel rise, thrive program, where we actually work through these core wounds. We regulate your nervous system. And we educate you on. What exactly is happening inside of these trauma bonded relationships inside of that compartmentalization that goes on in your mind, how to get a new baseline in your body for love and really determining the kind of love that you want to experience.

Pamela, if you're interested, hit me up and anybody else who is interested in this as a well, if you find yourself in this kind of situation, if you find yourself repeating toxic relationship patterns, then he'll rise. Thrive is a place for you. I'm going to be opening a, another round of this soon.

It's going to be slightly different than it's been in the past. I'm really excited for how I've decided to rework it and actually get it into the hands of more people. So if you are interested, Inhale rise thrive. If you are interested in healing, these toxic relationship patterns so that you can be at peace, be free and not have to be suffering. The thing that got me in the documentary, which I found quite heartbreaking for Pamela was that she still seems to be suffering.

That she's still caught up about Tommy. She's still caught up about, I don't know if I'll ever love anybody. Like I loved him and it's like, she's searching, searching, searching for something outside of herself with all of these marriages caught up in all of this kind of stuff. And I don't think that it has to be that way.

And I know for sure that you do not have to continue suffering and you do not have to continue to engage in toxic relationships cycles. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to put a waitlist link in the show notes. If you are interested in joining me inhaler, I, sorry. Sorry in the very near future, then please sign up on the wait list and I'll get you the information just as soon as everything is ready.

Thank you guys so much for being here for listening to the podcast. If you could be so kind as to take some time to rate and review this on apple, I think Spotify is doing rating now, too. So if you're enjoying this, if you love it, please let me know if you know another sister that needs to hear this message.

I ask that you please share it. I love you guys so much and I'll talk to you soon.